


This is Me

by buckywades (CloudxMusic99)



Series: Merthur Greatest Showman AU [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Inspired by The Greatest Showman (2017), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 12:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18620527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudxMusic99/pseuds/buckywades
Summary: Merlin, feeling as though Arthur was ashamed of him and his circus, decided to avoid him. Arthur desperately wanted to apologize to him, but Merlin was not making it easy.





	This is Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is part 3 in my Merthur Greatest Showman AU. I would highly recommend reading the other parts before reading this.

Merlin had been actively avoiding Arthur ever since Arthur told him he was leaving. Arthur could never get a moment alone with him. He only wanted to apologize for being so selfish. For hurting Merlin.

“What did you do?” Morgana asked him one day. She hadn’t even bothered to preface her question with a statement of any kind. She didn’t need to, though. Arthur knew what she was talking about. Merlin’s performance was suffering. He’d almost accidentally lost to Morgana because he messed up.

“I didn’t do anything,” Arthur lied. It wasn’t Morgana’s business. Arthur just wanted to talk to Merlin and fix everything.

“Don’t lie to me,” Morgana chided. “You hurt him somehow. You haven’t even been here for that long and you’ve already managed to ruin everything.”

“It’s none of your business,” Arthur snapped.

“I don’t care what you did,” Morgana said. “Just fix it. Now.”

“You don’t think I’m trying? He’s ignoring me,” Arthur stated. “I can never get him alone long enough to tell him that I’m sorry. I’m starting to think it would’ve been better if I’d left.”

“You were going to leave?” Morgana asked.

“Yes,” Arthur said. “Not forever. I was going to set up a tour for Helen Mora, but I changed my mind. Merlin called me selfish, and he was right. I would’ve forced him back into being ringmaster. He’s happier doing the act with you.”

“And you’ve ruined that now, too.”

“Shut up, Morgana.”

Morgana sighed. “Listen, I’ll get him to talk to you,” Morgana said. “You better not screw it up.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

The next night after the show, Merlin approached Arthur. “Morgana said you wanted to speak to me,” he stated.

“Yes,” Arthur said.

“Well? What is it?” Merlin asked.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Arthur apologized.

“For what? For leaving or for not telling anyone?” Merlin questioned angrily. “I mean, it is bad enough that you’re leaving and God knows if you’ll actually come back, but you haven’t even told them yet! Do you expect me to do it for you? Do you expect me to tell them when you’re already gone so you don’t have to face the disappointment? I am not going to do that, Arthur!”

“I’m not leaving,” Arthur announced.

“Wait… what?” Merlin asked.

“You were right,” Arthur said. “I was selfish. I told Helen the tour isn’t happening.”

Merlin stayed silent for a moment before saying, “okay.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said? I’m not going anywhere,”Arthur said.

“I heard you,” Merlin acknowledged. “I’m glad you’re not leaving, but I’m still angry.”

“Why?” Arthur queried.

“You’re ashamed of us, Arthur,” Merlin responded. Arthur opened his mouth to argue, but Merlin raised his hand, effectively stopping him. “You may not think you are, but deep inside, you are. Think about it. You didn’t want Gwaine and the others to be seen at Helen’s performance. You didn’t want  _ me  _ to be seen.”

“I’m not ashamed,” Arthur said.

“Then what is it?” Merlin asked.

Arthur wanted to say something, but he had no explanation.

“I grew up in a small farming village,” Merlin informed. “I was the only one like me. My mother always tried to tell me I was special, but I saw the way people looked at me; like I was a freak. I got away as soon as I could. Now I’m surrounded by people who have spent their whole lives like I have. I brought them out of the shadows and into the light. They deserve to be seen now that they’re not afraid to be.”

“I agree,” Arthur said.

“They cannot think that you are ashamed of them,” Merlin continued. “It’s bad enough that I already do. If they think you’re ashamed, it might cause them to return to the shadows.”

“I am not ashamed,” Arthur vowed. “Maybe part of me was, and that’s not okay, but I think that maybe it’s to do with how I was brought up. It’s a lot to undo in my mind. I’m trying my best.”

“I am who I am meant to be, Arthur,” Merlin maintained. “I’m not going to apologize. This is the real me. I’m not going to change.”

“I don’t want you to change,” Arthur said quietly. “I want you to always be you.”

Merlin sighed. “I want to forgive you,” he said. “I’ll need time.”

“I understand,” Arthur said.

“I’m glad you’re staying,” Merlin said. He smiled slightly at Arthur before walking off.

_ Well,  _ Arthur thought. _ At least his smile is back. If even slightly. _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! As always, kudos and (nice) comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> My twitter is @thorsbruce and I tweet about all kinds of stuff.


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